Why I hate the phrase “got my body back” post-pregnancy

The phrase “how did you get your body back” post-pregnancy is isolating and nuanced in my opinion. I think it implies that your body before pregnancy was somehow more desirable and if you don’t reach it again you’re somehow “less than” to society.

I find that ideology vehemently flawed and completely lacking in concept of what it truly takes for a woman’s body to develop another HUMAN BEING in only ten months; and the perception that she should “bounce back” so quickly afterwards is disheartening, unsupportive and based on an ideology that is only fitting for certain body types that existed pre-pregnancy.

I for one, didn’t have a body type that I’d necessarily “want” back post-pregnancy either. That’s another area where I feel this narrative skews – and puts people like me – those with a bit of a weight stigma – at a disadvantage.

Frankly, I’ve become a bit disheartened at always trying to be so positive about my body, when it’s not one that gets much recognition in global media, social media, or from friends or family. It’s not a size 0, it’s not replicated as being “fit,” “skinny” or “perfect.” I don’t have women commenting on my photos wishing they looked like me, applauding my beach body, or envying over my toned arms, my six pack, or my thigh gap. Yet, because of that, I often feel like I’m unworthy, or not whole, for some reason. I actually have to work every single day at not falling victim to that narrative, and trying, for my family and for my self, to rise above what I’ve been conditioned to hate about myself since childhood – – that unless I look a certain way, I’m not good enough.

Raising a daughter has me re-thinking all of what I was taught to believe. That unless I was thin, I wasn’t beautiful. I specifically remember a period of my life when I felt happy and when I finally got what I perceived as “positive” physical attention from others – – when I was thin, though incredibly unhealthy in order to get there, and I finally started to get feedback from friends, family and strangers about how “good” I looked.

For anyone who isn’t aware, it is not your place to comment on anyone’s weight, unless they explicitly ask you to do so. If you compliment someone for losing weight, think about how that might be perceived to them if they’ve been struggling with an eating disorder, are going through an illness, have a thyroid disorder, and so much more – that might not equate thin to positivity. Alternatively, you’re confirming that their body, in its current form, is somehow “better” than the body they had before – despite what it looked like.

For all of these reasons, I discourage you using the term “get your body back” after a woman gives birth. A woman’s energy goes wholeheartedly into creating the human being she’s growing inside of her. The man does not understand this, and never will. And that’s OK! This isn’t a post to attack men, this is actually primarily aimed at women!

I encourage you instead to ask things like “how are you,” “how do you feel,” “your baby is perfect and I’m glad you’re healthy,” and things like that after a woman delivers, and refrain from asking how she’s planning on getting her body back.

And for some of us, we might never get the body back we have before pregnancy, and we might not want it. Because in those pre-baby bodies, we might have harnessed a lot of shame, guilt, heartache, and emptiness that our post-pregnancy body has provided for us.

I applaud every woman who is focused on getting her “body back” if that feels right for her. However, after all of the mental and physical work I’ve done to get to the place I’m currently at, where I’m trying the hardest I’ve ever tried to love me for me, in this body, for my baby, and my husband – I am far better than I was pre-baby, and I applaud myself for that, not for trying to fit into societal norms that aren’t healthy for my body or mind.

That is something worth celebrating, and I’d encourage you to show some support for the women in your life working through this as well!

Thanks for reading along!